Kolpack: A look to the future through a voice from the pastFARGO — The art of broadcasting imagery on the sarcastic side has disappeared over the years, mostly because times change and so do people. We lost a great one this week.
By: Jeff Kolpack, Forum Communications
FARGO — The art of broadcasting imagery on the sarcastic side has disappeared over the years, mostly because times change and so do people. We lost a great one this week.
Oats LeGrand was the master of the one-liners, with beauties like a team getting a first down “by the pimple on the nose of the football.” So the best tribute I can give a legend is to open the football season by going back in time.
It’s the annual Bison football predictions column, and we’re going retro with it.
The local Division I gridders have more players returning than a family reunion. Wasn’t it only three years ago when the cupboard looked bare and folks wanted the head coach to sell insurance?
Whoever said “it’s not whether you win or lose that counts” probably lost. There won’t be much of that this year. On defense, there is more speed than the Road Runner would provide. On offense, the quarterback is “Steady Eddie” and the running backs have the ability to slash and burn.
Here is the game-by-game preview in the voice of Oats, the long-time radio man in Detroit Lakes, Minn.:
— NDSU 49, Robert Morris 7. The Colonials had more weapons in the 1700s.
— NDSU 20, Colorado State 10. Another David knocking off Goliath theme for the Bison.
— NDSU 17, Northern Iowa 13. Last trip to UNI resulted in the Panthers getting more sacks than you would find at Hornbachers. Problem here is UNI will be coming off two Big Ten tussles.
— NDSU 31, Youngstown State 19. These teams don’t lose to each other, they just run out of time. It will be another gunfight in the OK Corral.
— NDSU 21, Indiana State 7. The leaves will come off the Sycamores inside the big house.
— NDSU 38, South Dakota 10. It will be a rude Missouri Valley awakening for the young Coyotes this season, and a neutral game in Sioux Falls will be more like a Corvette in overdrive for the Bison.
— NDSU 13, Southern Illinois 3. Dale Lennon’s defense has had NDSU’s number over the years. Problem in this game is caterpillars will move faster than SIU’s offense.
— NDSU 27, Missouri State 6. The Bears will be playing for pride by November.
— NDSU 29, South Dakota State 10. There will be no throwing everything out the window in this rivalry game. The pendulum has swung back to Fargo.
— Illinois State 17, NDSU 13. Scott Miller will broadcast this game from the roof of his rental car and the Redbirds will win this game by the pimple on the nose of the football.
There you have it: 10-1, and a first-round bye in the Football Championship Subdivision playoffs. Put it in the bank.
Kolpack is a sports reporter for The Forum of Fargo-Moorhead, which is owned by Forum Communications. Reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org.