Jackie Hope: Have you joined the pajama party?
Got jammies? You've seen them everywhere, haven't you, covering behinds like a can of Sherwin-Williams covers Earth?
I've got to ask: What's with this pajama game, wearing Dr. Dentons to the dentist, Joe Boxers to the big box store, L.L. Beans to the coffeehouse, Munsingwear to the hardware store and Old Navy to the bait shop?
Did we miss the issue of "Vogue" where they hyped all the cool kids wearing jammies for that ultimate dressed-down look? Or did the idea come from Charlie Sheen in "Two and a Half Men?" Charlie, we can always count on you as an inspirational role model.
But wait, there is a backside story to this phenomenon. We really have M.C. Hammer to thank for popularizing pajama pants as, well, pants. Remember the '80s? There he'd be on MTV, all shiny gold, baggy trousers and a wicked shirt that was disarmed, bustin' moves and lookin' SO fine.
Heck, he could have made footie long johns look good; that man was top drawer.
Then those two dudes in Minnesota took it one giant step further. The Road Warriors, who were professional wrestlers, power slammed us with Zubaz, whose slogan was, "Dare to be different." Do wrestlers really need to be dared to be different?
That's like telling Dennis Rodman, "Yo, bro, don't be afraid to express yourself." Thank you, Minnesota for bringing us four losing professional sports teams who moonlighted shilling those neon-colored, zebra-printed, wear-everywhere baggy bottoms.
How many of you still have a pair Zubaz chilling in clothing purgatory? Good news: Someone on eBay is trying to deal a pair of "vintage" Cubs Zubaz for $75. Here is an opportunity to sell yours and make some serious sucker money.
Whatever its source, the outlet for this fashion forward flood has now gushed into the mainstream at big box outlet stores.
High tide is around 2 p.m. on weekend afternoons when with-it dudes tire of surfing the Internet and head out for another Cheetos fix. Cartoon characters are the choice prints for these fly guys. And isn't there a Homer Simpsonic aura about a guy who buys a box of donuts while wearing low-rider Tommy Bahamas? D'oh boy!
Malls are jam-packed with jammies too, and this is the venue where the real stylin' begins. Instagram: a diva in The Annoying Orange plushy bottoms, tastefully dragging the ground; a T-shirt from a 2007 fun run; and feet tricked out in fur-lined flip flops. The appropriate bling just has to be a blow dryer necklace pimped out with a BeDazzler. Oh yeah.
And look! There is the mother-daughter jammie double whammy: mom and the kids in the produce section for a late night supermarket sweep, thumping watermelons and picking peppers. Is a watermelon really a good idea for a midnight snack?
There must be a herd instinct among the female of the footed jammie species. Where you see one pajama-rama girl, you see wing women close behind her, um, her behind. And why do they have words screen printed there? Victoria obviously has no secrets!
Why in the name of Mother Hubbard would a pretty girl toddle off to market looking like a Cabbage Patch Preemie doll? Maybe her significant other gave her a PajamaGram, and she wanted to flaunt it.
Hmmm, thought that was why Twitter was invented, so everyone could see everyone else anytime and everywhere, even in nightwear. What a nightmare! No, wait, maybe her significant other was no longer significant, and she wanted everyone to see what a lousy PajamaGram he sent her. Yeah, that is the way to get revenge, all right. You go, girl!
So who was that masquerading man, ke-mo sah-bee? Oh, snap! That pajama-ed man was a Boy Scout on his way to a jamboree. A musician off to a jam session? Now there is toe jam and door jambs and traffic jams and plum jam. But public jammie wearers are a real toe in the door for trafficking in plumb preposterous fashion.