McFeely: Nothing says school like a gun strapped to the English teacher
It would be easier for the gun-obsessed Republican-controlled North Dakota Legislature to simply pass a blanket law requiring that every man, woman and child in the state own and carry with them at all times a firearm, preferably more than one, from the moment they are birthed until they meet their Maker.
Unless that Maker is Hindu, in which case the good Christians in the Capitol might have to question whether those people should have guns in the first place. Or whether they be allowed to pray in the building. Or whether they be allowed in the building.
Give a handful of state representatives credit for being persistent. Even after a bill was defeated earlier this session that would've allowed guns to be carried in schools and a compromise was reached to instead allow only first responders to be armed, that wasn't enough for Kim Koppelman of West Fargo, Janne Myrdal of Edinburg, Larry Luick of Fairmount and Bernie Satrom of Jamestown. They're trying to sneak a law similar to the defeated bill through a side-door amendment.
It's time for common sense to tap out and allow North Dakota lawmakers to get guns into every nook and cranny of life. We all know where this is going anyway. The willy-nilly path of getting guns into churches, schools and universities bit by bit is inefficient, wasting legislators' time when they could be working on more important issues like mandatory Bible study in public schools and supporting President Trump's wall.
Submit to the obvious: The North Dakota GOP wants the state armed to the gills, from maternity ward to embalming room, prepping for the day when President Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Vice President Ilhan Omar come for their guns.
Legislators have a point, other than the ones at the tops of their heads. The black Kenyan Muslim president didn't succeed in taking North Dakotans' guns away — Lord knows he tried, if you'll recall the infamous Weapons Purge of 2011 — but legislators know women have become particularly devilish since they were empowered by the crazy talk of the Equal Rights Amendment 45 years ago.
Next thing you know they're going to be walking around without bras, having free love and voting. And maybe even shopping on Sunday mornings. We could Make America Great Again if we'd just keep June Cleaver in the kitchen where she belongs, repressed and unfulfilled.
So just do it. Mandate that every resident, or at least the white Christian ones, must open-carry a firearm. Of course they must be loaded, because what good is an empty gun when a migrant caravan is invading Aneta? And they must be carried everywhere — kindergarten, hospitals, weddings, graduation parties, July 4 parades, perch fishing, church socials, walking your dog around the block. Gun-free zones are for East Coast libtards and Minnesota snowflakes.
North Dakota is trying to attract young, educated, skilled workers to fill thousands of jobs. Nothing is more welcoming to that demographic than sending their 6-year-old to a gun-filled school. Because nothing says nurturing learning environment like a Glock strapped on the English teacher.