I hate to brag, but I just aced my cognition test. My math was a little shaky, though; I struggled to add up the $26.5 trillion national debt that will suddenly become a grave concern for Republicans after the final flaming barrel roll of this car crash presidency.
Doctors were bigly impressed by my memory, though. I intend to remember the enablers whose greed, political cynicism, and cowardice kept them from restraining Mad King Donald when the opportunity existed to rein him in.
Instead, they treated him like the “Excitable Boy” (a Warren Zevon song) who rubbed the pot roast all over his chest. At first, Mom and Dad Republican thought it was cute, and it triggered the libs, so they indulged him. In exchange, they got more budget-busting tax cuts for the rich, irresponsible deregulation, and conservative judges on the Supreme Court who confoundedly keep basing decisions on actual law.
Now we've reached the verse in which the “Excitable President” builds a cage with Little Suzie's bones, forcing students and many vulnerable teachers into classrooms even in places where the pandemic is careening out of control as a result of his failed leadership. But he knows the appearance of normalcy is his only hope of reelection.
Another plank of Trump's platform is dog-whistle racism, even at the risk of bloodshed. Division. Damn the body count. He'll do anything to win.
Last week, he commuted henchman Roger Stone's sentence, rewarding his silence about Trump's complicity in Russiagate. Trump effectively passed sentence in a trial that could have implicated him, placing himself above the law. Another cover-up. More quid pro quo.
He's out of control, but most Republicans have slithered into bunkers hoping you'll forget about their duplicity in this crime boss presidency.
Even the affably dim Sen. Kevin Cramer, North Dakota's most unapologetic bootlicker, was quiet (up to my deadline). Cramer once explained Trump's compulsive lying by saying, “He's not a literalist.” Yeah, and I'm not a tree. What else ya got for me?
Sen. John Hoeven, R-N.D., has built impressive approval ratings (and his stock portfolio) from his fetal position under the desk in Washington, abdicating his duty to oppose blatant despotic behavior. He's so cuckolded, he doesn't vote “aye;” he votes “yes, dear.”
Rep. Kelly Armstrong, R-N.D., is a rookie, but don't elected leaders have a constitutional obligation to put the country above their party? We're holding our breath. Turning bluer by the minute.
The Silence of the Lambs.
Meanwhile. North Dakota Gov. Doug Burgum has cynically latched himself to Trump because he understands the base. Well, the base is tragically wrong. So is Burgum. How smart can he be if he chooses the wrong side of history?
Roger Stone's commutation and Michael Flynn's get-out-of-jail-free card is just the beginning. Trump will pardon and pillage all the way out the door. Then his enablers will stumble from the wreckage feigning amnesia, pretending they were just innocent passengers.
Don't forget. Tattoo crib notes on your hands. Take your Prevagen. Remember at the ballot box.
Perhaps American idealism is passe. Naive. Maybe we should just accept cynical “get what you can while you can” politics. Maybe we expect too much. But surely we can expect more.
Tony Bender writes an exclusive weekly column for Forum News Service.