Trump supporters appeared dumbstruck — and I'm choosing my words carefully — by the results of the election that, despite tantrums and vague complaints about malfeasance from the president, prove that (Hunter?) Biden has won a definitive electoral victory, along with four million more individual votes than the president.
Four million and counting.
We know Trumpers reject science; viruses are a hoax that come and go with elections, climate change isn't a thing, but forest raking is, and now, apparently, they don't even believe in math, electoral or otherwise. However, when the dust has settled, Joe Biden will have 306 electoral votes and a mandate equal to Trump's in 2016.
Taking up Trump's mantra that elections, the foundation of American democracy, aren't fair unless he wins them, flustered banana Republicans swarmed polling places and disrupted the counting process. Seems kinda snowflakey.
Hey, all votes matter.
On Saturday, Nov. 7, North Dakota's feckless congressional delegation, whose cowardice and complicity helped unleash Frankentrump, addressed a Bismarck rally where cultists perpetuated the fantasy of media and pollster collusion to steal the election. Everyone knows pollsters purposely get things wrong because it's so good for business. Meanwhile, journalists keep reporting un-American things like facts. In what remains of the Republican Party, logic's been replaced by QAnon conspiracy theories and courage has been replaced by Depends.
To be fair, it is suspicious that Trump's support in North Dakota only grew from 63 to 65% between elections. How could that not be 100%? After all, he was sent by God.
Then again, so were locusts.
This defeat must be the work of the Devil. Or Democrats. Same thing, really. They both start with a D. It couldn't be that Trump's the worst president in American history.
What's puzzling is that Republicans typically portray Democrats as socialist morons incapable of walking and chewing gum at the same time, but somehow overnight, they've become masterminds of election intrigue. The same Democrats who lost at least five seats in the U.S. House, while Joni Ernst, Susan Collins and Lindsey Graham skipped back into the Senate.
So how did these idiot-savants manage to steal the presidency? I'm just throwing this out there, absurd as it may sound, but maybe they didn't. Maybe 75 million Americans (and counting) were fed up with four years of lies, corruption, and division, and sent a message to President Apprentice: “You're fired!”
As predicted by doom and gloomers, Wall Street immediately tanked. Hold it! No, actually, stocks went through the roof, buoyed by the prospect of steadiness, sanity and decency returning to the White House — a president who'll take the pandemic seriously, which is the only way to restore the economy.
I know President-Elect Biden wants to set a tone of unity and has promised to serve both Republicans and Democrats, so discussing controversial things like facts may not be helpful. But the fact remains that given the chance, Lame Duck Donald and his flock of quacks would bulldoze the electoral process and kill democracy to “save it.”
Please, let's remember who we are.
Go ahead. Do the recounts. Let judges address frivolous claims. Then, let's accept the will of 75 million Americans (and counting) while taking seriously the grievances of the minority. And on Jan. 20, let's pick up the pieces. Together.
Tony Bender writes an exclusive weekly column for Forum News Service.