Good for cop who 'arrested' stepdaughter's sex partner
Go, Dad! That was my response to national news reports this week that a San Jose, Calif., police officer staged a false arrest of a 15-year-old boy for having consensual sex with the man's 14-year-old stepdaughter. Yes, Dad did it in full police ...
That was my response to national news reports this week that a San Jose, Calif., police officer staged a false arrest of a 15-year-old boy for having consensual sex with the man's 14-year-old stepdaughter.
Yes, Dad did it in full police regalia, and clearly scared the heck out of the boy, as a smart-phone video of the five-minute "arrest" shows.
The officer is now on administrative leave pending an investigation. The boy's parents who witnessed the "arrest" are furious at the dad and have hired a lawyer. The boy, who later had misdemeanor charges brought against him related to underage sex, as did the daughter, reportedly also wants to see the officer himself behind bars.
I'll leave all that for the authorities to sort out.
But back to the stepfather. I love where this guy is coming from.
Now I can offer endless caveats here that, yes, the officer was abusing his authority, he would have been better served "policing" his stepdaughter to begin with, and on it goes.
However, if more daughters had fathers -- much less stepfathers -- like this, how much better off young women -- and, for that matter, young men -- would be.
For some reason I can't quite fathom, it drives certain people crazy when I point out that girls do not typically have anywhere near the voracious sexual appetites that boys do. But, duh, I think it's safe to say that a 14-year-old girl's romantic fantasies revolve around being loved and adored and, well, romanced -- not giving oral sex or experiencing full sexual intercourse.
Yet, strangely, our culture today insists that girls be as sexually aggressive as boys. And, in fact, many parents of high-school and even junior-high boys will tell you that girls are, increasingly, socially and even sexually aggressive toward their sons. But I'm convinced that this isn't what girls want at all. So it should be no surprise that college women routinely bemoan to researchers and sociologists the loss of dating and romance on campus, and that it's been replaced with a demeaning, sexual-hookup culture.
Meanwhile, most of our discussions about sex and younger teens revolve around "of course they are going to do it" and ignore the fact that girls and boys are built so differently. And that most girls are not as eager to have sex as most boys, so why aren't we better protecting girls from what they typically don't want anyway?
Apparently this girl told her stepfather that she had had sex with the boy. Isn't it quite possible she wanted to be protected by hiding behind her stepfather?
It's a great lesson for any boy to see a man protecting a woman. And it's a great lesson for a girl to know that that's what she should expect from a good man.
In any event, it shouldn't take a badge and a gun for a father to protect a daughter. Treating her well, loving her and talking to her over time about how a boy should respect her and how she should respect herself will probably offer the best protection against the sexual advances of a young man. (What fathers should be teaching their sons about respecting a woman would make a full column itself.)
The fact that so many families today aren't being protected by a husband and father is a tragedy, true enough. But when a dad is in the home, letting even the best of young men know that he is willing to appropriately step in and protect his daughter as needed? Priceless.
Hart is the author of "It Takes a Parent: How the Culture of Pushover Parenting is Hurting our Kids -- And What to do About It." E-mail her at firstname.lastname@example.org .